This is a great quote. When I speak about my beliefs about the universe and the nature of reality, I am only speaking a dialogue, I'm not trying to convince and create, I'm only trying to pass on knowledge that was given to me through observation of reality. I am only a messenger.

When the stability of the middle east collapses, and gas becomes 6-7$ a gallon and a fucking soda is 3$ you'll start thinking different.

so everyone keeps wondering why i don't call them more or hang out more.. and keeps getting mad at me since they feel like I'm ignoring them all the time... but its just I don't have the time to hang out and talk like I'd like to. I wake up at 8am, get ready and get to work by 9:30am then work till 6pm.. drive home and get home by 6:40pm or so...change my clothes, make/get dinner and eat by maybe 8:30pm, now I have 3 1/2 hours to spend with Jay, and do whatever I want till I go to bed... and I only have sundays and mondays off which I spend half off doing errands, and half maybe visiting someone who is telling me I ignore them.

and for once, I feel content.

You fit in with: Spiritualism Your ideals are mostly spiritual, but in an individualistic way. While spirituality is very important in your life, organized religion itself may not be for you. It is best for you to seek these things on your own terms. 60% spiritual. 60% reason-oriented.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

yeah.. thats pretty accurate....

Now.. I've been in a perpetual state of stress that hasn't really stopped for about 5 years... and I recently cured the stomach problems that have been plaguing me for years... I had a wheat allergy. Thats it. Fuck.

After the stomach problems disappering in a matter of DAYS, I suddenly felt more calm and less stressed out... and then, it happened.

I was just walking around at work, basically meditating/thinking/dreaming to pass the time , & it was like a flash of lightening basically... all at once, you suddendly understand the true nature of reality.. its kinda like an orgasm, for your conciousness.. anyways... things are suddenly so different I've been in a weird little state for the past week... but for the first time in my life I feel true contentment... when you truely understand, there is no self, you are content.. and it is good.

"When you go through Satori, and have this experience, you will no longer see the world in the same way. You will have a different perception of life; everything will be united into one non-dual whole. The final experience opens your mind to a new way of thinking and to a new being."

"Transcendence has been discounted by secular psychologists because they feel it belongs to the domain of religious belief. But Maslow himself believed that science and religion were both too narrowly conceived, too dichotomized, and too separated from each other. Non-peakers, as he would call them, characteristically think in logical, rational terms and look down on extreme spirituality as "insanity" (p. 22) because it entails a loss of control and deviation from what is socially acceptable. They may even try to avoid such experiences because they are not materially productive-they "earn no money, bake no bread, and chop no wood" (p. 23). Other non-peakers have the problem of immaturity in spiritual matters, and hence tend to view holy rituals and events in their most crude, external form, not appreciating them for any underlying spiritual implications. Maslow despised such people because they form a sort of idolatry that hinders religions (p. 24). This creates a divide in every religion and social institution. (Maslow. "The 'Core-Religious' or 'Transcendent,' Experience.")"

This is right up my alley.. Shannon is explaning one of the mechanisms of my belief. let me try and explain in brief, general terms what I believe about God and humans.

First off, everything in nature follows a pattern. We can see this visually in shells and sun flowers... the golden ratio. Physics demonstrates this in fractal patterns in classic cause and effect experiments. There are constants in nature, and in math. Cell division. Animal behavior and plant growing cycles conform to this as well. And so does *human* behavior. Even though every fractal of cause and effect may be unique, it STILL has to follow a pattern. Everything in this universe is controlled by the same physical laws. (that is, if you believe in the string theory model of the universe, of which I'm speaking about)

What the hell is this pattern? Thats God. Its in every living thing, and non living thing, and it dictates how the outside world is shaped. 50% chance/chaos/random/freewill, 50% fate/purpose/pattern/instinct. Thats the world we live in... a world where God as you might say is omnipresent in everything. We are all connected. We are not separate from god. We weave a pattern in space-time as we move through space-time, thus "creating" reality as we know it. This pattern is built into humankind as well, but it constantly changes and evolves (hopefully for the better) as time passes..

I hit NOTHING, despite getting close to the wall twice, managed to pull my car straight and keep driving. It was scary. Time slowed down and I said "oh shit. oh shit. oh shit. oh shit..." Its weird how in the middle of my car spinning out of control on the freeway I can split half my conciousness into controlling the car and the other half into worrying about the 3 cars behind me and how close they might be...

On the way into my freinds house, hours before I spun out, I touched the door handle and remember thinking "I don't want to drive tonight" and I was worried about an accident happening (.... this just reminded me....)... and I reminded myself to be careful... and I totally forgot about the 5 car accident that was on the five, one of the cars was a tractor trailer 2 piece thing that one half was completely flipped over and the other side was right side up.... another part was an SUV stuck to the front of a semi, just fucking stuck together because the metal was so entangled.

I'm lucky enough to get intuitions about events, but its usually shitty, and either too close to the event or too far from the event for me to do anything to change it. Anyways... rain is sucky.

So I have a website being built for me.... this is the start.. I got my portfolio together... go look in my photograph section and tell me what you think...

TERRORISM -- BUSH SPEAKS ON OLD TERROR PLOT TO DIVERT NATION'S ATTENTION: In the face of growing opposition to his domestic spying program, President Bush yesterday tried to turn the nation's attention to successes in the war on terror by unveiling minor new details about an old report of a failed Los Angeles terror plot. The White House has engaged in a public relations push to argue that the terror plot is new information. In fact, just four months ago, Bush specifically pointed to the thwarted attack on the Library Tower in Los Angeles. Bush did not suggest that the warrantless surveillance program helped to prevent the Los Angeles attack, and "Frances Fragos Townsend, assistant to the president for homeland security and counterterrorism, declined to comment about whether the NSA eavesdropping helped to uncover the plot."

KATRINA -- BROWN TO TESTIFY ABOUT WHITE HOUSE FAILURES: Former FEMA Director Michael Brown, who previously "refused to answer even the simplest questions" about Katrina, will testify today before the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee. "I feel an obligation to answer any questions they put to me," Brown said. "The public needs to know the entire picture of what was going on." Brown's lawyer said his client would testify "about particular communications he had" with the White House, and Brown's "testimony will make clear...that senior administration officials, including President Bush, recognized the severity of the problem in New Orleans in the immediate aftermath of the storm." Congressional investigators have already discovered that the administration was warned about the severely breached levees earlier than it has claimed. Homeland Security Secretary Mike Chertoff has said he learned about the breaches on "midday Tuesday," but new e-mails show his department learned about the situation at 9:27 pm Monday night. "There is no question in my mind that at the highest levels of the White House they understood how grave the situation was," Brown said.

MEDIA -- 'TERRORIST SURVEILLANCE PROGRAM' - THE TRAIL OF STATE PROPAGANDA: A Feb. 9 Associated Press article adopted a variation of the White House's terminology for its warrantless domestic surveillance program, referring to it as the "anti-terrorist surveillance program," Media Matters reports. The phrase is both inaccurate, since the program has led almost entirely to "dead ends or innocent Americans, and imprecise, since it fails to note the key distinguishing features of the program (that the spying was conducted without a warrant and involved persons on U.S. soil). As ThinkProgress first noted, the phrase "Terrorist Surveillance Program" was originally used on January 1 by the right-wing website NewsMax.com. The White House adopted the term in a press release issued on Jan. 22, and President Bush first used it publicly in a speech the following day. Since then, conservative news outlets Fox News and the Washington Times have begun using the terminology. Media Matters notes, "Most news outlets noting the moniker have placed it in quotes or disclosed it is a term the Bush administration has promoted."

ECONOMY -- TRADE DEFICIT HITS ALL-TIME HIGH: "The U.S. trade deficit soared to an all-time high of $725.8 billion in 2005, pushed upward by record imports of oil, food, cars and other consumer goods." The trade gap between what America sells abroad and what it imports rose 17.5 percent from the previous record of $617.6 billion set in 2004. "It marked the fourth consecutive year that America's trade deficit has set a record." The U.S. trade deficit with China is at an all-high, as is our nation's trade deficit with Japan, Europe, OPEC, Canada, Mexico, and South and Central America. The Economist magazine noted this week that the Bush deficits are fueling global instability.

I hate you chase manhattan.

Perception Management - Media and Activism

Campaign For A Commercial-Free Childhood
"We support the rights of children to grow up - and the rights of parents to raise them - without being undermined by rampant consumerism."

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Video activist collective

The FOX BGH suit
Help Steve & Jane fight Fox

leftfield.coop
Reaffirming the spirit of political debate among festival-goers

mtcp.org.uk
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Read the news the mainstream tends to ignore

Knowledge is power! - Education and Research

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You are what you eat - Protect your food!

"Since I entered politics, I have chiefly had men's views confided to me privately. Some of the biggest men in the United States, in the field of commerce and manufacture, are afraid of something. They know that there is a power somewhere so organized, so subtle, so watchful, so interlocked, so complete, so pervasive, that they better not speak above their breath when they speak in condemnation of it."
-President Woodrow Wilson

http://www.itsyourbliss.com/ yes, its a terrible spalsh page.. but its better than nothing... I have someone who is going to design my site for me... a page he's work on is www.digitalhappymeal.com for an example of his work....

More pictures from thursday... yeah so some people are hotter in person.. I will say the former SG Katie is way hotter in and pictures don't really do her justice.... the other godsgirls are fucking awesome... we are lucky to be run by annaliease... things are exciting!

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

(PRWEB) - Duluth, MN (PRWEB) January 30, 2006 -- A group of distinguished experts and scholars, including Robert M. Bowman, James H. Fetzer, Wayne Madsen, John McMurtry, Morgan Reynolds, and Andreas von Buelow, have concluded that senior government officials have covered up crucial facts about what really happened on 9/11.

They have joined with others in common cause as members of "Scholars for 9/11 Truth" (S9/11T), because they are convinced, based on their own research, that the administration has been deceiving the nation about critical events in New York and Washington, D.C.

These experts suggest these events may have been orchestrated by elements within the administration to manipulate Americans into supporting policies at home and abroad they would never have condoned absent "another Pearl Harbor."

They believe that this White House is incapable of investigating itself and hope the possibility that Congress might hold an unaccountable administration accountable is not merely naive or wishful thinking.

They are encouraging news services around the world to secure scientific advice by taking advantage of university resources to verify or to falsify their discoveries. Extraordinary situations, they believe, require extraordinary measures.

If this were done, they contend, one of the great hoaxes of history would stand naked before the eyes of the world and its perpetrators would be clearly exposed, which may be the only hope for saving this nation from ever greater abuse.

They hope this might include The New York Times, which, in their opinion, has repeatedly failed to exercise the leadership expeced from our nation's newspaper of record by a series of inexplicable lapses. It has failed to vigorously investigate tainted elections, lies leading to the war in Iraq, or illegal NSA spying on the American people, major unconstitutional events. In their view, The Times might compensate for its loss of stature by helping to reveal the truth about one of the great turning-point events of modern history.

Stunning as it may be to acknowledge, they observe, the government has brought but one indictment against anyone and, to the best of their knowledge, has not even reprimanded anyone for incompetence or dereliction of duty. The official conspiracy theory--that nineteen Arab hijackers under control of one man in the wilds of Afghanistan brought this about--is unsupportable by the evidential data, which they have studied. They even believe there are good reasons for suspecting that video tapes officially attributed to Osama bin Laden are not genuine.

They have found the government's own investigiation to be severely flawed. The 9/11 Commission, designated to investigate the attack, was directed by Philip Zelikow, part of the Bush transition team in the NSA sector and the co-author of a book with Condoleezza Rice. A Bush supporter and director of national security affairs, he could hardly be expected to conduct an objective and impartial investigation.

They have discovered that The 9/11 Commission Report is replete with omissions, distortions, and factual errors, which David Ray Griffin has documented in his book, The 9/11 Commission Report: Omissions and Distortions. The official report, for example, entirely ignores the collapse of WTC7, a 47-story building, which was hit by no airplanes, was only damaged by a few small fires, and fell seven hours after the attack.

Here are some of the kinds of considerations that these experts and scholar find profoundly troubling:

* In the history of structural engineering, steel-frame high-rise buildings have never been brought down due to fires either before or since 9/11, so how can fires have brought down three in one day? How is this possible?

* The BBC has reported that at least five of the nineteen alleged "hijackers" have turned up alive and well living in Saudi Arabia, yet according to the FBI, they were among those killed in the attacks. How is this possible?

* Frank DeMartini, a project manager for the WTC, said the buildings were designed with load redistribution capabilities to withstand the impact of airliners, whose effects would be like "puncturing mosquito netting with a pencil." Yet they completely collapsed. How is this possible?

* Since the melting point of steel is about 2,700*F, the temperature of jet fuel fires does not exceed 1,800*F under optimal conditions, and UL certified the steel used to 2,000*F for six hours, the buildings cannot have collapsed due to heat from the fires. How is this possible?

* Flight 77, which allegedly hit the building, left the radar screen in the vicinity of the Ohio/Kentucky border, only to "reappear" in very close proximity to the Pentagon shortly before impact. How is this possible?

* Foreign "terrorists" who were clever enough to coordinate hijacking four commercial airliners seemingly did not know that the least damage to the Pentagon would be done by hitting its west wing. How is this possible?

* Secretary of Transportation Norman Mineta, in an underground bunker at the White House, watched Vice President Cheney castigate a young officer for asking, as the plane drew closer and closer to the Pentagon, "Do the orders still stand?" The order cannot have been to shoot it down, but must have been the opposite. How is this possible?

* A former Inspector General for the Air Force has observed that Flight 93, which allegedly crashed in Pennsylvania, should have left debris scattered over an area less than the size of a city block; but it is scattered over an area of about eight square miles. How is this possible?

* A tape recording of interviews with air traffic controllers on duty on 9/11 was deliberately crushed, cut into very small pieces, and distributed in assorted places to insure its total destruction. How is this possible?

* The Pentagon conducted a training exercise called "MASCAL" simulating the crash of a Boeing 757 into the building on 24 October 2000, and yet Condoleezza Rice, among others, has repeatedly asserted that "no one ever imagined" a domestic airplane could be used as a weapon. How is this possible?

Their own physics research has established that only controlled demolitions are consistent with the near-freefall speed of collapse and virtually symmetrical implosion of all three of the WTC buildings. While turning concrete into very fine dust, they fell straight-down into their own footprints.

These experts and scholars have found themselves obliged to conclude that the 9/11 atrocity represents an instance of the approach--which has been identified by Karl Rove, the President's closest adviser--of "creating our own reality."

today.

its harder for people who actually make art, to sell it as a product, than it is for people who just make a product, and sell it as art....

Duke Professor Skeptical of bin Laden Tape WTVD By Amber Rupinta

(01/19/06 -- DURHAM) - A Duke professor says he is doubtful about Thursday's audiotape from Osama bin Laden. Bruce Lawrence has just published ?Messages to the World: The Statements of Osama Bin Laden,? a book translating bin Laden?s writing. He is skeptical of Thursday?s message.

?It was like a voice from the grave,? Lawrence said.

He thinks bin Laden is dead and has doubts about the tape. Lawrence recently analyzed more than 20 complete speeches and interviews of the al Qaida leader for his book. He says the new message is missing several key elements.

?There?s nothing in this from the Koran. He?s, by his own standards, a faithful Muslim,? Lawrence said. ?He quotes scripture in defense of his actions. There?s no quotation from the Koran in the excerpts we got, no reference to specific events, no reference to past atrocities.?

While the CIA confirms the voice on the tape is bin Laden?s, Lawrence questions when it was recorded. He says the timing of its release could be to divert attention from last week?s U.S. air strike in Pakistan. The strike targeted bin Laden?s deputy, Ayman al-Zawahri, and killed four leading al Qaeda figures along with civilians.

Lawrence believes faulty Pakistani intelligence led to the strike and the civilian deaths, and the tape was leaked by Pakistani authorities to divert attention from their mistake.

?It led to a failed military operation where America got blamed, but they people who are really to blame are the ones who provided the intelligence,? Lawrence said. ?I think this is an effort to say were not going look at this terrible incident that happened.?

Another element that Lawrence takes issue with in bin Laden?s latest message is it?s length - - only 10 minutes. Previously, the shortest was 18 minutes.

repost!

National ID cards are a BAD idea.

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

First Lady: U.S. Will Have Female President

Friday, January 13, 2006

WASHINGTON — Laura Bush predicted on Friday that the United States soon will have a female president — a Republican, and maybe even Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice.

"I think it will happen for sure," Mrs. Bush said about a woman in the Oval Office.

She made the comment in a CNN interview broadcast on Friday, the day before she leaves for Liberia to attend the inauguration of the first female president in Africa.

"I think it will happen probably in the next few terms of the presidency in the United States," Mrs. Bush said.

Rice has said she has no desire to be president when President Bush's second term expires, but Mrs. Bush said: "I'd love to see her run. She's terrific."

Mrs. Bush leaves Saturday night for Africa where she will visit Ghana and Nigeria to promote education and AIDS treatment after leading the U.S. delegation attending the swearing-in of Liberia's President-elect Ellen Johnson-Sirleaf on Monday in Monrovia.

Rice is part of the delegation, as is one of the president's daughters, Barbara, who worked recently at a pediatric AIDS hospital in South Africa. "She's interested in the policy surrounding AIDS and what we can do in our country and in other countries around the world to really stop AIDS," Mrs. Bush said.

During the 13-minute interview in the Map Room of the White House, Mrs. Bush talked about how she and the president try to comfort the families of fallen U.S. troops by saying that their service in the armed forces is helping to establish a stable democracy in the Middle East.

In another gesture of consolation, Mrs. Bush said that on Thursday she called to offer encouragement to the wife of Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito, Martha-Ann Bomgardner, who left her husband's testy Senate confirmation hearing in tears, eliciting sympathy from senators of both parties.

"I think it's very important for the Senate to have a very civil and respectful hearing for anyone that has been nominated for the Supreme Court or for the other jobs that require Senate confirmation," Mrs. Bush said.

"But on the other hand, my family has been in politics for a long time and I think you do develop a thick skin. Does it ever not hurt? You know, not really."

I have jury duty tommarrow.. fuck. I need to call and get out of it. I FINALLY got my makeup back. I left it in long beach when I went to do a photoshoot for cardborad robot two weeks ago. Me, Melanie and Mary Moscow from godsgirls all went to the LBC to shoot an ad for cardboard robot. The ad is going to be in juxtapoz and vice hopefully. Thats the plan... ugh. work.

a. rebuild my finances back to like before me and wes broke up.....

b. get a decent protfolio of modeling work together.

c. get my photography project/business off the ground.

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

I feel bad alot because I feel like I'm anti-social all the time. If you send me messages and I don't respond I'm not ignoring you... I'm busy and shy and anti-social but I read everyone and think inside my head "awwww... thanx" even if I don't rememeber to write back.

I hope everyone had a very nice xmas/holiday. Mine was good.. I didn't kill my family. I got a new dvd player, plugs, books, dvds and a 300mm lens for my camara.

Godsgirls will be doing the beta testing with the models very soon. I'm really super excited about that. We should be launching about 2 weeks after that, if everything goes well.

I didn't notice, but my first set went up on erotique digitale - http://www.erotiquedigitale.com/code/models.php.. its pretty cool to be part of a site along side models like masuimi, kumi, aprella, miss conduct, storm... I have 3 more sets up in febuary.

The patriot acts expires in one month. I expect another "terrorist" attack soon. Don't be suprised to see how far the gov't will go to protect itself.

Another thing about me, I stress out alot and rather easily. I worry about damned near everything and everyones well being. Its overwhelming sometimes. The nasuea is worse than the heartburn.... I get the urge to throw up easily.. but I usually don't actually throw up anything... mostly just hanging out near the toilet... if I'm upset this gets worse too... I don't really deal with emotional loss like most people, I accept it mentally very easily, but my stomach takes the brunt of it.

Instead of dealing with things in my head irrantionally that would bother most people to the point of being unable to function, my brain just kinda sorts through it mentally rather easily with little emotional impact, and I honestly deal very well menatlly, but oh my stomach, all that emotional pain/negative experiances goes somewhere and it goes there.

So, at 25. I have a divorce and a ulcer. In two weeks I see a specialist about my tummy.... hopefully I can start dealing with my stomach because 2 years is way too long to deal with this kinda of pain.

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

Sometimes I just laugh, but sometimes its so irritating its not worth even trying to explain to someone because if they really believe these things then they aren't likely to see what they themselves are doing.

People do a good job not thinking for themselves and just floating along with the masses without even realizing it... actually becoming politically aware takes up alot of time since you actually have to read each day about developing trends instead of just getting briefed with 20 minutes of backround TV.

I'm far wiser to the world than people suspect... sometimes I'm not sure why god stuck me in the body of a 5'1" girl who looks like shes ten.. but I suppose jesus was a carpenter too. I'm lucky enough that those who know me emotionally know these things, but for the rest of the world I appear clueless... I guess looking this way has let me get away with far more than I would if I looked older/mature. ugh

My crazy ex husband hasn't changed at all... he goes around telling my freinds that *I* started a fight with his sister. No, that crazy bitch when on my myspace page and insulted me after the last time I even said anything to her was before we broke up. Wes has done such a great job playing the victim all his life, I almost think he actually believes the lies he tells people. Poor Sarah, she is dealing with the same "problem" I had... trying to convince people that Wes really is a good guy, despite how he looks/acts. Wake up dummy... people tell you these things because yes, you should have stayed with JP, yes, you can get better than Wes, and sorry dear, he allready once told me he was fucking some dumb girl in rollerskates that he worked with- "while sarah's away, wes will play." he told me one of the last times we spoke... Oh course I'm sure he called you telling you how much he MISSED you a few hours later. I think wes's future gf was away visiting her bf in england that she was cheating on with wes. Well, you get what you deserve I guess. Karmas a bitch.

Allright.. I put up about 140 photos... feedback?

my photography site

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

I know its kicking in when I get more irritated than usual at little things that normally wouldn't bother me as much, I get more emotional/sensitive and tend to cry pretty easily (yes, I do cry rather easily hahah, I'm kinda retarded like that) when I get frustrated (people don't hurt my feelings very easily, I cry when I'm pissed at a situation usually), which of course I happens more easily because I'm more sensitive.. yeah, its a lamo vicious cycle.

Yeah, winter weather sucks. Even in San Diego.

Thats my biggest problem I have with my job, I have to try and simplify terms to people who couldn't tell a memory card from a floppy disk. Its not always easy to explain tech nerd stuff to people who have never used the internet. ugh... people.

type failure into google and hit "I'm feeling lucky...." hahhahaha...

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

Modeling for http://www.anarchtee.com

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

facts?

With 70,270 hits, you are ranked number 52 out of about 14,999 iam users.

There are 51 people with crushes on you

You have 8 crushes.

No, I never called it art. No, I did not call myself a model. All I know is nobody is paying 12$ a month to look at your ugly mugs. I would love someone to quote me on this if they can.

What do I consider godsgirls exactly? Well, by definition, its nude modeling. But what IS it.... is it art?, is it porn...? is it trash?, is it a masterpiece? What do you think it is? I'm not going to tell you what to think, nor can I define what this is. The dictionary defines pornography as "Function: noun : material that depicts erotic behavior and is intended to cause sexual excitement". Is that what Godsgirls and other sites like SG are made up of? Not really.... About half the customer base/audience for these sites is women.. and I'm sorry, we don't really masturbate to pictures much... but I know alot of the females are emotionally stimulated when looking at these pictures... (girls are weird.. what can I say?).... so I'm still not answering the question...

Of course, I know there are dudes having a grand ole time jerking off thinking all sorts of horrible thoughts about me.... but I'm sure the nasty fucks I work with do the same thing on some lonely nights. (yes girls, this is reality, guys jerk off once or twice a day, prolly thinking about you in some compromising position)...

But is it porn, is it art? I guess its what you make it... all I can define it as some sort of post-porn pinup thing. We are basically some sort of post-porn pinup girls... but instead of hanging in a soldiers bunker, we are girls that you can get to know and interact with through the internet. I don't know what we can define it as, because its not really definable in my eyes yet... so anyways... I get paid, and I enjoy it.. sorry suckers! What do YOU think it is?

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

http://groups.myspace.com/uglyerica

Hahhahaha... !

Its weird listening to the radio, watching the tv and just listening to people... I guess its pretty obvious to alot of people that we are at a sort of tipping point right now and things are about to get a lil crazy worldwide. Gov't corruption is EVERYWHERE... not just the united states... History just repeats itself over and over and over... We are just going through another cycle and its ending soon and we are about to be in for some really big changes...

1998, the republicans took over congress and left our democratic president for 2 years with a congress that wasn't willing to work with him after 6 previous years over of democratic control and the ability to get Clinton's agenda done... Then, for 6 years (as in right now) the republican congress has done a great deal of passing alot of laws for his agenda... In 2006, the democrats will win (duh) the congress majority again, and Bush will be a great (shitty) position with congress being controlled by the opposing (not really, they have the same goal) party... in 2008 Hillary will get elected by all the morons who fail to see the big picture.. thinking "Oh a woman, she'll save us from the evil Bush! And everything will be okay....!" No morons. She'll ask for more power to the gov't (dems are pro federal gov't, republicans are pro states rights) so she can fix it and help the less fortunate. Our standard of living for the middle class has been declining since Kennedy was shot... more about this later..

The threat isn't "evil conservatives" the threat is globalization and the centralized power structure that goes along with it. A central source that controls all the worlds resources and all the worlds power is what scares me most. Humans are corrupt, we have free will. Humans are selfish and since the beginning of human civilization people who seek power are usually those that come into power. And the kind of people who seek power are not the kind of people we humans really desire as leaders. Think about it... Fascism has come to America.... to quote a websiet on history..."These fascist politicians called for family values, a strong nation, a strong government, law and order, economic growth, and prosperity for everyone." Sound familiar?

She turned me into a sundae! I had fun.... I made a mess.. i think its what I do best....

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

I need a smart phone/pda thing.... I need to find my other camaras better charger... I started my xmas shopping allready.... I need more weed...

Me and Jay are going to LA today for another photoshoot. Then tommarrow I'm staying in SD and thursday we are going with my dad, aand sisters family to irvine for thanksgiving.

My divorce is finally going through thank gawd.... my ex is still crazy.... I find it so amazing all the time and still to this day he always reflects his own inner feelings about his behaviour on me. I had a girl do that to me recently too.... its weird....

Things are good... modeling is fun... politics and whats happening right now is still my number one priority with life.... but in the meanitime...

Read the diary entry below if you still have any doubt that 911 was an inside job.

When will the American public wake up to this? 9/11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB.

Questioning what happened on 9/11 Professor believes planes didn't cause all the damage around the WTC FREE VIDEO

• Explosive theory Nov. 14: Did planes really bring down the World Trade Center? The Situation's Tucker Carlson talks to one professor who says he has evidence that bombs might have been planted in the towers. MSNBC

TRANSCRIPT MSNBC Updated: 1:51 p.m. ET Nov. 15, 2005

Tucker Carlson Anchor, 'The Situation'

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Millions of people watched the horror of 9/11 right before their very eyes, live on television. Two planes, crashing into the World Trade Center. Less than a couple of hours later, both towers, of course, collapsing.

On Monday, Tucker Carlson welcomed Brigham Young University Professor Steven Jones to the 'Situation.' Jones, a professor of physics, believes that the hijackers may not have brought down the towers by themselves.

To read an excerpt of their conversation, continue to the text below. To watch the video, click on the "Launch" button to the right.

TUCKER CARLSON: Well, just sum up this-obviously your theory, just the one sentence that I just explained, in the intro, contradicts what we all think we know about how these towers collapsed. Quickly sum up your explanation for what's happened.

STEVEN JONES, BRIGHAM YOUNG UNIVERSITY: ... What I'm doing, Tucker, is presenting evidence, but it's a hypothesis to be tested. That's a big difference from a conclusion, and so I just wanted to clarify that. But to sum up that I have looked at the official reports by FEMA, and so on... regarding the collapse of-yes, of these buildings. ...

I'd like to look at the collapse of building seven in just a minute. It was not even hit by a jet. So we'll look at that one.

CARLSON: The two towers. The explanation has been that the fire inside was so intense that it weakened the structural steel and that each floor collapsed down upon the next in a pancake fashion, and they imploded in on themselves. That's essentially, I think, what people think.

JONES: Yes, that's basically it, yes. And so what I've done is to analyze these reports.

I would like to do a little experiment with you, Tucker, if I could. I sent out a video clip of the collapse of Building seven, because most people haven't actually seen that one, and that's the crux of the argument.

CARLSON: Can you sum up very quickly the argument for us? You believe there were explosives in the buildings planted by someone, detonated?

JONES: Well, yes.

CARLSON: Is that correct?

JONES: ... There are two hypotheses here. One is fire and damage caused all three buildings to collapse.

CARLSON: OK.

JONES: The other is that explosives in the buildings may have caused the collapse. And so, then we analyze and see which fits the data better, and I've done that in my 25-page paper.

CARLSON: I want to read you a quote from the 'Deseret Morning News,' a paper in Utah, from you. I'm quoting now.

"It is quite plausible that explosives were pre-planted in all three buildings and set off after the two plane crashes, which are actually a diversion tactic. Muslims are probably not to blame for bringing down the World Trade Center buildings after all."

That's, I would think, pretty offensive to a lot of the people listening. Do you have any evidence for that?

JONES: Well, not-not to the Muslims, I might say.

CARLSON: Well, that's good.

JONES: I have a lot of e-mails.

CARLSON: I'm sure your writings greeted with just glee in Islamabad, and Peshawar and places like that. But for Americans.

JONES: Well, I haven't received notes from there, but just good people. I have Muslim friends. Let me read, for example, but I'm not going to let you off the hook. I really want to do this experiment with you.

CARLSON: We don't have a lot of time for experiments, Professor. But if you could just ... give us one thing to hold onto. How-you make these claims, or appear to make these claims ...

JONES: Tucker, sure, sure. Let's start with the collapse of Building seven. Can you roll the video clip that I sent to you?

CARLSON: OK. I am not sure if we can, but that is the World Trade Center. It's smaller than the other two it was not hit by a plane.

JONES: Let's try.

CARLSON: Of course, it collapsed.

JONES: Right. It's 47 stories.

CARLSON: That's right.

JONES: Twenty-four steel columns in the center.

CARLSON: Right.

JONES: Trusses, asymmetrically supported. Now, I can't see what you're seeing. Are we rolling that?

CARLSON: No. We just see the building. And just so our viewers know, the explanation that I think is conventional is that there was a large tank of diesel fuel stored in the lower level of that, which caught fire, and the resulting fire collapsed the building.

JONES: Well, that's basically it, yes, but as we read in the FEMA report, it says here, and I put this in my paper, of course. "The best hypothesis, which is the only one they looked at, fire, has only a low probability of occurrence. Further investigation analyses are needed to resolve this issue, and I agree with that."

CARLSON: OK.

JONES: But they admit there's only a low probability, and if you look at the collapse, you see what I have studied is the fall time, the symmetry, the fact that it first dips in the middle. That's called the kink. Which is very characteristic, of course, of controlled demolition.

CARLSON: Professor, I am sorry that we are out of time ...

JONES: Whoa, one other thing I want to mention.

CARLSON: Ok. If you can hit it - hit it quickly.

JONES: OK. All right. Here we go. Molten metal in the basements of all three buildings.

CARLSON: Right.

JONES: And yet all scientists now reasonably agree that the fires were not sufficiently hot to melt the steel, so what is this molten metal? It's direct evidence for the use of high-temperature explosives, such as thermite, which produces molten iron as an end product.

CARLSON: OK.

JONES: It's very short time, but people will read the paper, then I talk about the molten metal, the symmetry of the collapse, and the weaknesses and inadequacies of the fire hypothesis.

CARLSON: Professor, we are going to have to leave it to our viewers who are interested enough to follow up to do just that. We appreciate you coming on, even if I don't understand your theories, we appreciate you trying to explain them. Thanks.

Watch 'The Situation with Tucker Carlson' each weeknight at 11 p.m. ET

© 2005 MSNBC Interactive

Yeah, my parents were fucking pissed. But not at me. At the person who would try and pull this shit with me. My parents pretty much want to kill the person who would do this.... I love my parents. They would prolly be pissed at me if I made 9$ an hour and lived at home. But they aren't pissed at me because I make 30K a year and show off my boobies on the internet. So suck it, assholes.

Nov 15 2005 10:00A
Godsgirls Photo Shoot w/Gabi ...by Matthew http://www.myspace.com/cooke_tv

Nov 16 2005 7:00P
Photoshoot with Kelly Lind - http://www.erotiquedigitale.com

Nov 22 2005 3:00P
Photoshoot with Saryn Angel - http://www.sarynangel.com/gallery/ @ LA

Nov 29 2005 9:00A
Photoshoot with David Flores - http://www.ontoyu.com/indexa.html @ hollywood

Japan's health ministry has warned the anti-flu drug Tamiflu can induce strange behaviour leading to accidental death following the deaths of two teenagers who took the medicine, news reports said.

One 17-year-old Japanese high school student jumped in front of a truck in February 2004 shortly after taking the medicine, while another younger school student is believed to have fallen from the ninth floor of his apartment building this February, the Mainichi newspaper and Kyodo News agency reported.

The drug's Japanese distributor, Chugai Pharmaceutical, issued a report to the health ministry after the first incident saying a link between taking the drug and the odd behaviour that led to the death cannot be ruled out, the Mainichi said.

The ministry is aware of one of the cases and is warning that taking the drug may lead to abnormal behaviour and accidental death, Kyodo News agency said, citing an unidentified ministry official.

While Tamiflu carries a label in Japan warning of such side effects as "abnormal behaviour" and "hallucinations", the cases are the country's first in which strange behaviour linked to the drug has resulted in deaths, the Mainichi said.

Comment was being sought from health ministry officials.

The two people who died had taken Tamiflu to treat cases of influenza and neither exhibited psychological problems before taking the medicine, the Mainichi newspaper reported.

The Japanese government announced plans earlier this month to increase its stockpile of Tamiflu to 250 million capsules, from 150 million, over the next five years in a precautionary measure against a global flu pandemic.

Tamiflu is one of the few drugs believed effective in treating bird flu, which has spread from Asia to Europe. Japan hasn't reported any infections in humans by the H5N1 virus, which has killed at least 64 people in Asia since December 2003.

Most human cases of bird flu have been traced to direct contact with sick birds, but health officials fear the H5N1 virus could mutate into a form that passes easily between people, possibly triggering a deadly pandemic.

© 2005 AAP

All photos by Anthony Wallace.... http://www.anthonywallace.com/

two pictures of Jay down by the Long beach pike...

My crazy ex-sister-in-law tells me thats just because I'm in san diego doesn't mean I'm out of her reach or whatever, then trys to get my address. My ex husband threatened me when I told him I was cutting off his medical insurance, and says don't worry about what I'm going to do, worry about my freinds. Your freinds play d&d and live with their parents, and most of them are actually pretty nice and still talk to me, even if they don't tell you they do. I'm totally surrounded by crazy people.. I said it then, I would have no problems getting restraining orders against any of them.... I guess charlotte has a freind (not her dog, it might be a real one) who accused me of whining to the police...

my response?
"Why get myself arrested for beating your ass like someone should have long ago? Why not keep you and your family the fuck out of my life by using the law enforcement I pay taxes for? Oh, beacuse I'm not stupid."

When people say "get a life" they mean concern yourself with how you are behaving instead of looking at my life. I don't start shit with people but they tend to try and do it with me, and then I have to be a giant asshole back just for people to get the point NOT to fuck with me, I will NOT tolerate it. Then I get accused of being dramatic when I fight back.... I asked Gillian about this.. because I'm 25, we didn't use words like "drama" and stuff when I was in high school, I only started hearing the overuse of the word drama recently... and I said why do people fuck with me, then accuse me of "drama" when I say something back? All I can figure out is people want to start a fight, but don't want to be called the dramatic ones so they pin it on you when you respond..... I'm way too old for this....

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

Last night we went to go see Jarhead in the theatre.. it was definatly good.... except this rude loud bitch would not fucking shut up. I complained tol the managers about 4 times till they told her to shut up... after yelling all this rude shit out, during one scene the guys were pretending to act gay and she had to open her big fat stupid mouth and make more ignorant comments.. 5 minutes later she was on her phone. I could have just left after they gave me free tickets, but she was ruining it for everyone else and I was fucking sick of it.

I'll leave you with a quote....
To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded. -Emerson

I grew up taking alot from shit from people due to the fact that I look really young, I'm pretty petite and I'm quiet and shy. People seriously just like to give me shit because they think I'll take it. I spent 3 years in an abusive relationship which took alot of courage to be able to stand up to the person controlling me and get the fuck out... and after that, I wasn't intimidated by any one human. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and I'm fucking steel now baby.

Its reasons like that some girls can't stand me. From junoir high I always have these like "rival" girls who always try to go after the same stuff/dudes I go after and I get the dudes/stuff and they cannot understand why they didn't, and they are so fucking pissed with me. I cannot tell you how many times girls tell their freinds (they never ever say it to my face) they are going to kick my ass if they see me. No, I'm going to look you in the eye when I see you in person and you won't do a damned thing because its all talk and I see right through you, you fucking pussies.

Instead of tearing me apart and trying to find flaws in my ass or teeth (I don't fucking care I'm HUMAN not a TV character stupid) why not try working on your own personality flaws and maybe you would acheive something with yourself.

(update!)
and for a response? I'm totally posting it here because its THAT good.

Whatever helps you feel better, you fucking lunatic.
You're not better than anyone.
Sluttier?
Maybe.
Better?
In your dreams.
I could quote you on all the bullshit you just said and it would be true. Minus the failed marriage of course.
You're not the only one who's dealt with bad relationships or had girls hate on her.
So what, you're petite, quiet, shy?
That makes you a catch?
Hahahahaha.
What do I have to be jealous of?
I love how you mentioned your ass and teeth, hahaha.
I must of really got to you. :D
Get over yourself.
I don't hate you because I'm jealous of you, I was going to just send you a message to make sure you that registered with you.
But this blog title caught my attention, because well...
It's probaby aimed at me and you and I both know that.
I hate you because you're a liar, you're completely fucking dillusional, you're a drama starter, you're fake and you're full of shit.
I found it INCREDIBLE how you tried turned things around and said I WAS JEALOUS OF YOU and COPIED YOU.
Hahaha, my god.
Garrett and I couldn't stop laughing.
Are you serious?
Is that little world you live in that great that you can't deal with any form of reality?
You're about as interesting as the next slut.
Wes must count his prayers that he finally got rid of you.
Get a life, a real one.
Not some made up one where you pretend you're happy and act fake so everyone will like you.
I hate all the drama you bring.
Your karma must be amazing.
And I for one, am not a pussy and I'll prove that the first chance I get.

I spent an hour talking to David on the phonre throwing ideas back an forth.. I will be sending him some pictures of ideas soon....

And these two.... artists are crazy I tell you.

And I said "well thats doesn't prove anything." And you proved me wrong.

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

I have ANOTHER godsgirls shoot on Nov. 15th with the lovely miss Gabi. I finally joined model mayhem and Kelly Lind asked me to shoot... if that can get worked out that would be freaking awesome. sweet.

tommarrow, bumblebee costume. halloween parties!

I'm not all about politics. I didn't get boring. ;)

"A business or a big corporation is a fascist structure internally. Power is at the top. Orders go from top to bottom. You either follow the orders or get out. - Noam Chomsky

Harriet Myers is a corporate attorney who has defended corporations like Microsoft, Disney, oh you know, the big fat evil ones. Wanna know her area of practice? Antitrust & Trade Regulation. Oh fucking great. So Bush, well, those in power, want to put a appoint a lawyer whos area of expertise is making sure big corporations can expand. Shes well known for getting the job done. So, a lady whos well known for getting the job done for corporations is trying to get on my countries supreme court to decide the nations most pressing issues? Thats NOT good.

My nation has turned into a banana republic without the public even noticing we've been robbed of everything our founding fathers strived for. America is just another shitty corporation... and its only getting worse. When are you going to wake up?

from her whitehouse profile
"On numerous occasions, the National Law Journal named her one of the Nations 100 most powerful attorneys, and as one of the Nations top 50 women lawyers.

Ms. Miers had a very distinguished career as a trial litigator, representing such clients as Microsoft, Walt Disney Co. and SunGard Data Systems Inc."

trust your president
"Few conservative skeptics are persuaded by the White House pitch. "They are asking us to have faith and to support the nominee. But on the other hand they are not giving us reason to do that other than saying 'trust the president,' " said Mark R. Levin, president of the conservative Landmark Legal Foundation.
Bruce Buchanan, a University of Texas political scientist who has closely followed Bush's career, said that Bush's idea of a good Supreme Court justice may be more nuanced than many of his political supporters -- and opponents -- assume. While many social conservatives are motivated by a desire to end abortion or affirmative action, he said Bush may support those causes, without placing them at the top of his list of priorities.

"He was never a leader on controversial social issues," Buchanan said. "He has always been more concerned with centrist business positions."

He was there, he just had business trips so he could pay for the shit my mom used. My dad supported my mom through school and she didn't have to work... yeah, don't feel too sorry for her.

I ended my last letter to her with this -

"At the end of your life, your not going to say "I was a manager at work" you are going to say "I am a mother." When you look back at the memories and your life, do you think about what forms you filed at work or what projects you completed? No, you will think about the times you shared with the people you love and how you affected that persons life. You relive the memories and the laughter and your family and friends. Somewhere in your pursuit for your career you may have forgotten these things."

Dear Tom,

I hate myspace. Your servers suck and you should throw them in the trash and find ones that work. Thank you.

Erica

Friday sleepover at kaylas. Then we went a group of us went to go be dancers in the hollywood undead video. It wasn't all godgirls, but there was about 8 of us there.. those girls are all really neat girls. Seriously. The music was like, um, some of the worst music I've ever heard. I guess people who like this music like bands like mindless self indulgence. Yucky! The guys in the band were nice kids tho for the most part. The production crew was fun to work with. We ended up late to the second part of the set and missed it... ah well. Pictures... enjoys!

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

WTF, is no one really taking this fucking seriously? This hurricaine has measured as the most intense ever measured. They know that storms that hang out are scary, because it usually just means they get bigger. The flucuations we are seeing are normal. The lower the number, the stronger the intensity, Andrew was measured at 922, Katrina was 892, the great hurricaine of 1935 was 892 and Wilma? 882. People are telling me they aren't leaving?

The models aren't scanning it right.. scientists are a bit puzzeled about this one.....

I've been listening to XM's hurricaine wilma emergancy broadcast... and this is what scientists know.... hurricaines can sit and build up strength if they don't move very slowly... its passage of the yucitan will lower the intensity, but if you read below, they don't really know when it will reach florida... if it sits in the gulf of mexico for a awhile, regains strength, um, florida is fucked. The loss of life isn't the shitty part, its the loss of housing and job and industrial areas that cwill have the most effect. Katrina didn't cause all its damage by killing 2000 people, it did by leaving 500,000 or so thousand without jobs or housing. Get it?

track the data coming into the national weather reports...

IT SEEMS PROBABLE THAT WILMA WILL STILL EMERGE NORTH OF THE PENINSULA AS A HURRICANE IN ABOUT 36 HOURS... ALTHOUGH SOME OF THE MODELS SUGGEST IT COULD LINGER FOR LONGER THAN THAT. WHEN IT DOES REACH THE GULF OF MEXICO... CONDITIONS APPEAR TO BE CONDUCIVE FOR A LITTLE RESTRENGTHENING IN THE SHORT TERM.

THE MODELS ARE IN REMARKABLE AGREEMENT... AT LEAST FOR NOW... REGARDING WHERE WILMA WILL PASS OVER FLORIDA... ALTHOUGH THEY COULD OF COURSE ALL BE WRONG TO SOME DEGREE GIVEN THE 3-4 DAY LEAD TIME. SIGNIFICANT DISAGREEMENT REMAINS IN THE TIMING OF THE IMPACT ON FLORIDA... SO THE WHILE THE CONFIDENCE IN THE OFFICIAL FORECAST HAS INCREASED A LITTLE WITH RESPECT TO WHERE WILMA WILL EVENTUALLY GO... THE UNCERTAINTY IN THE TIMING REMAINS LARGE.

Thats the last report. from a few hours ago at the national hurricaine center. If you are in flordia, get the fuck out.

Caesar captured Gaul (roughly modern France) by inciting civil war between the Celtic tribes who inhabited the area, encouraging them to attack and annihilate one another to the point of total exhaustion by way of treaties that were impossible to reach. This allowed the future 'Dictator For Life' to march in to (and out of) Gaul not only a hero, but a savior as well. Through his divide and conquer techniques, Caesar portrayed himself to be the only assurance of peace, and through this campaign of propaganda, controlled much of the world.

An aspiring 20th century dictator named Adolph Hitler patterned his future empire along similar lines. Hitler obsessed on the idea of racial purity, and inspired racial and religious hatred to such a degree that an estimated 6 million people were murdered in concentration camps, many from the hands of their fellow countrymen. While isolating Jews, Communists, and “enemies of the State” as dangerous and treasonous elements of society, Hitler quickly eliminated the German (and several other European) people of basic rights of free speech, religious freedoms, and privacy. Then the dictator quickly eliminated all opposition to his regime via gas chambers and concentration camps…all in the name of national security.

By such masterful use of propaganda, Caesar and Hitler narrowly defined the problems of society while simultaneously portraying themselves as the only possible solutions, allowing both tyrants to win the first and most important fight of any war: the battle for the minds of the people. Through the same basic tactics, both men gained absolute control over their respective societies. Unfortunately, these tactics of control haven’t been relegated to a dusty history book…they continue to rage around those of us in America today.

The American culture of today is being assaulted along the same lines that Caesar and Hitler used long ago, and Americans are falling prey to such tactics in growing numbers with every passing hour. We are truly a divided people, who agree or disagree along party, ethnic, racial and religious lines.

Much like the priests of centuries past, no decision can be made without first consulting our appointed political or social “leaders”. We take sides with differing factions within our country, arguing about single issues that are presented to us and whose sole purpose is to divide us into isolated groups. Instead of meaningful debate about the future of our nation, we receive only distractions.

We thirst for truth, meaning, and freedom, but instead find ourselves wandering through the desert of distraction and confusion.

We seek leaders, but only receive figureheads. We have ceased being Americans.

We are conservatives or liberals. We are environmentalists or corporate interests, Catholics or Protestants, hawks or doves, black or white. The people of America are divided among many lines, ultimately under the confines of a system of right and left. Much like the German people of the 1930s, we are isolated from clear perspective. Much like the beleaguered Celts, we are so distracted by civil war of right and left, we aren’t aware of our country vanishing before our eyes.

The truth is, there is no right or left. There is only right and wrong.

These party bosses and ardent followers would have you believe otherwise. They would have you believe that right is whatever particular party they belong to, and wrong is the political opposition. This might be true if the “sides” of today were genuine. Instead, both parties and most mainstream organizations funnel into the same end result: total control.

While the left and right bicker publicly on “hot topics, " the end result is the same, regardless of who is President, or who is in control of Congress. Less freedoms for individuals, less sovereignty for nations, losses of jobs through insane international agreements like NAFTA, the dilution of American culture, and the over extension of our military.

It’s been said that if you don’t like what the Republicans are doing, vote for the Democrats, and if you don’t like what Democrats are doing, vote Republican.

It’s set up like a game. I have my favorite team, and you have yours. I’ll back my team no matter what, just as long as your team doesn’t win. The problem is, both teams are full of scandalous figures who are so busy selling you and I out for their own personal gain, they have no time or desire to help our country in this time of need. While we Americans are busy cheering our favorite politicos and jeering our least favorites, both sides are pursuing the policy of the destruction of America.

Some might say that this is the way it’s always been, that politicians say one thing and do another. Perhaps that was true fifty years ago, but when the observant person looks at the end results of all these promises and lies, the picture becomes much more clear and frightening. We are being sold out. We are being transformed into a society of complete control, where those at the top completely dominate and enslave those below them.

Americans are being herded into pens like cattle.

Why?

Because of the phony left-right paradigm that mentally enslaves us all. We can only blame ourselves for letting them do this to us.

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

51 people have crushes on me on IAM crush. I have no idea who 40 of them are. I hope its hot ladies.....!

I guess I don’t know why I haven’t written about this before, but it keeps coming up in the news over and over, and I guess most people don’t understand why its so important. Allright… so we keep hearing about the avian bird flu, and pandemic… and whatnot. But what is scary, is what our government is trying to do about it. Bush (…or the people who have brains and actually control the gov’t) is trying to use the threat of this the avian flu to remove the Posse Comitatus Act of 1878. And what the hell is the Posse Comitatus Act? I’ll quote wikipedia for you -

”It generally prohibits Federal military personnel and units of the United States National Guard under Federal authority from acting in a law enforcement capacity within the United States, except where expressly authorized by the Constitution or Congress. The Posse Comitatus Act and the Insurrection Act substantially limit the powers of the Federal government to use the military for law enforcement. “

So basically it limits the gov’t from using the military to police civilians. Reason being? They sure did a good job helping out at Waco, Texas!!

Anyways I think this article on CNN says it well -

“Gene Healy, a senior editor at the conservative Cato Institute, said Bush would risk undermining "a fundamental principle of American law" by tinkering with the act, which does not hinder the military's ability to respond to a crisis. "What it does is set a high bar for the use of federal troops in a policing role," he wrote in a commentary on the group's Web site. "That reflects America's traditional distrust of using standing armies to enforce order at home, a distrust that's well-justified." Healy said soldiers are not trained as police officers, and putting them in a civilian law enforcement role "can result in serious collateral damage to American life and liberty."

BUT, now our gov’t wants to use the bird flu as an excuse to further remove our civil liberties? Why are you trading your freedoms for the guise of security? And when will you stand up and say - "no more."

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

"For one to be a revolutionary ... at all,
there must first be a revolution.
Isolated individual endeavor,
for all its purity of ideals,
is of no use,
and the desire to sacrifice an entire lifetime
to the noblest of ideals serves no purpose if one works alone,
solitarily,
in some corner of America,
fighting against adverse governments
and social conditions which prevent progress."
-- Che Guevara

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

Anyways... everything is changing so fast I feel swept along most the time... and everything is just so... amazing.

Tommarrow - GodsGirls photoshoot!!!
Wensday - Interview at the Poway store, meaning, I might actully work in the same county that I live in!
Next week - My prescription sunglasses come in.
Oct. 30th - GG halloween party.

GT's.

Thursday, 6 October 2005, 03:23 GMT 04:23 UK
Cheney warns of 'decades of war'
By Jonathan Beale
BBC News, Washington

US Vice President Dick Cheney Mr Cheney made a direct appeal to the American people US Vice-President Dick Cheney has said that the US must be prepared to fight the war on terror for decades. Addressing US military personnel, he said that the only way terrorists would win was if the US lost its nerve and abandoned Iraq and the Middle East.

Mr Cheney is the latest senior member of the US administration trying to bolster support for the war in Iraq. On Thursday, President George W Bush will once again address the issue in a major speech in Washington. Like other great duties in history, it will require decades of patient effort, and it will be resisted by those whose only hope for power is through the spread of violence Dick Cheney US Vice-President

The situation in Iraq remains the Bush administration's biggest challenge and all its senior figures have been brought out to defend the policy as public support for the war continues to slide. Mr Cheney said that the threat of terrorism would be removed as people in Iraq and the wider Middle East took control of their own lives. But he added, in a direct appeal to the American people, that like other great duties in history, it would require decades of patient effort.

'Civil war'

The vice president insisted that progress was being made in training up Iraq's own security forces, though he did not indicate how long US forces would remain. President Bush has promised that America will stay on the offensive to prevent insurgents from disrupting next week's referendum on Iraq's new constitution. But as the number of US military personnel killed rises towards 2,000, the grumblings are getting louder.

In a letter to President Bush, Democrat senators have warned that continuing on the same path in Iraq could lead to a full-blown civil war.

I also got a pink ipod case.

Are you fucking joking me? You don't feel sorry for anyone, but yourself. You think women are your possessions/objects for YOU, and your needs. Of course you figured it out, you are exactly like the owner sean, of SG. A verbally abusive, manipulative, arrogant asshole. You'd be doing the same thing if you weren't an overweight insecure little turd. You feel sorry for these girls? How often did you convince girls send you naked pictures of themselves (while we were dating/married) over the internet? How about the fact that you usually spent AT least an hour or two a day fucking up my computer browsing HARDCORE internet porn?! Gimme a break.

Hopefully the women/woman your exploiting right now figures it out before she has to go through the same shit I did.

I tried to explain the world is fucking falling apart right now and I don't plan on having kids anytime soon. She couldn't believe that things could get really bad in the next ten years... we made a hundred dollar bet. I told her it was the easiest hundred dollars I'll ever make.

Read/watch/listen the the world around you, and buy a bike.

We know warfare, tyranny, and strife. We have pitted neighbor against neighbor, tribe against tribe, nation against nation, and faith against faith. We have seen tensions rise. We have seen hatred boil over. And we have seen peace won at terrible costs.

Now we are faced with a global conflict that is so nebulous, so ill-defined and ill-conceived, that it may never end. All we are told is that there is our side, and there is the other side. That our way of life is at stake, and we must triumph at all costs. As the coffins multiply, we grieve our own losses.

But the horror of neverending war brings with it the chance for a truly global resistance.

And so we will create a new side – the side that wants to understand, the side that seeks out the root causes of our struggle, the side that will triumph over conflict itself.

We will devise a ritual to transcend the double-standard of grief, to transform their dead into our dead, and our dead into theirs. And then we will challenge those around us to do the same.

Two minutes is all that we need for this global ritual of reconciliation. On November 11th, fall silent for two minutes in honor of all innocent victims – in London, in Afghanistan, in New York, in Iraq, in Chechnya, in Madrid. Two minutes of silence, of remembrance, of reflection, to consider the choices that we have made and the path we will follow into the future.

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

New layout.

And I've been finding this story pretty interesting lately. Titties, dramatic girls, and the politics of running a porn site, what more could I ask for?

1984 - George Orwell
Animal Farm - George Orwell
Fahrenheit 451 - Ray Bradbury
Slaughterhouse Five - Kurt Vonnugut
A Clockwork Orange - Anthony Burgess
Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest - Ken Kesey
The Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
Player Piano - Kurt Vonnugut
Even Cowgirls Get the Blues - Tom Robbins

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

If there is anyone in the San Diego area who is against this war, tomorrow is a Anti-war rally @ Balboa park.. here's all the info:

address:
6th and Laurel Balboa Park
San Diego
2:00 p.m.
Saturday-September 24th

here's some info pulled off the flyer:

-end the coproate occupations of Iraq & Afghanistan
-justice for Palestine-support the right of return
-leave no bases behind
-no military recruiment in our schools
-hold Bush and congress accountable for the deaths, the lies, the destruction, and the bankrupting of our communities.

there's also gonna be speakers, music and poetry.

you can check the website for updated info here or call this number 619.263.9301

One of the reasons I think so many americans today have weight problems is simply a result of what our parents taught us as kids. What did your parents do when you ate meals from a young age? They told us to finish all our food on our plate, because it was "bad" to waste food. I used to fight with my parents when I was little because I would only eat when I was hungry and not eat when I wasn't. Animals don't eat at "dinnertime" they eat when their internal clocks tell they too. I always listened to my internal clock too, and well, it steers me in the right direction...

Very excited.

I hear the people who call themselves liberals and democrats and all those who say they care, screaming about all the people who voted for Bush. What the hell do you mean voted for Bush? One person did not win a political election with only HIS supporters. You can't win a game without playing another team right? Well what the hell happened to my team? Which of you even were regestered to vote in 2004? Why didn't my team get off its collective lazy ass on election day, to actually GO to the voting booth and stand in line to cast your ballot?! I've been regestered to vote since I was 17 and I've voted in every state and federal election, I didn't see you in 2000 at all, in 2004 I saw a few of you...

The structure that has come into power is the result of us just sitting around thinking someone else will take care of us. I mean the gov't and the media do a good job of making us think they would do a better job managing our lives if we just let them handle it. Just let us handle it, its safer, easier, more efficient.

At what point is it going to take you to realize these things don't come upon our state in fiery gun battles in the streets, they take place through legislative measures, quietly steering the media to portray a certain image of an idea. Since when did my generation believe that anyone else knew what was best for us as individuals??

today in the nytimes
"As Recovery Starts, Some Lights Go On, Some Mail Is Delivered"

By WILLIAM YARDLEY and MICHAEL LUO
Published: September 11, 2005

In stark contrast with the lawlessness that took over the city in the immediate aftermath of the storm, police officials said Saturday that they had fully restored order in this water-logged city. "We have complete control over the city at this time," said P. Edwin Compass III, superintendent of the New Orleans police. "I think we have had three crimes in the last four days. This is the safest city in America."...... further down...

Capt. Edwin Hosli of the New Orleans police, said the water seemed to be receding by about a block a day, allowing rescuers to go by foot into more areas. Captain Hosli said reports that the city would force out residents have mischaracterized their goal.

"We've been trying to tell them that this is not a good way for them to live," he said.

Asked how crime had been in recent days, he said, "What crime? It's great."

When you hand over any responsibility to a higher authority, you are also handing over any power as an individual. Think about that.

This from the NY times.

September 8, 2005
New Orleans Begins Confiscating Firearms as Water Recedes
By ALEX BERENSON and TIMOTHY WILLIAMS

NEW ORLEANS, Sept. 8 - Waters were receding across this flood-beaten city today as police officers began confiscating weapons, including legally registered firearms, from civilians in preparation for a mass forced evacuation of the residents still living here.

No civilians in New Orleans will be allowed to carry pistols, shotguns or other firearms, said P. Edwin Compass III, the superintendent of police. "Only law enforcement are allowed to have weapons," he said.

But that order apparently does not apply to hundreds of security guards hired by businesses and some wealthy individuals to protect property. The guards, employees of private security companies like Blackwater, openly carry M-16's and other assault rifles. Mr. Compass said that he was aware of the private guards, but that the police had no plans to make them give up their weapons.

Nearly two weeks after the floods began, New Orleans has turned into an armed camp, patrolled by thousands of local, state, and federal law enforcement officers, as well as National Guard troops and active-duty soldiers. While armed looters roamed unchecked last week, the city is now calm. No arrests were made on Wednesday night or this morning, and the police received only 10 calls for service, a police spokesman said....more...

If you were trapped and feared for your life, and you needed rescue workers to save you and your family, are you worried about whether or not red cross appropriated funds or whether FEMA workers didn't have their workshop, you'd be all, get me the hell outta here!

This is new orleans under water.. AND on fire!

This shit is FUCKED up.

This dude would like to find his family.. good luck.

Thats alot of freakin people around the superdome. They don't have anything to survive now, what makes you think they will be back on their feet anytime soon?

Does anyone else see this? The national guard?

That guy is pissed and I don't think hes leaving.

And Finally! Lets look at yesterday -

This isn't republicans vs. democrats anymore kids.

Ever work for a big corporation and you need buy something to run your buisines, like the other day when I needed batteries for my walkie-talkies. Now I can't just go into the till at work pull out 5$ and buy some batteries. I wouldn't pull out 500$ and blow it on weed and maybe buy batteries for the store, BUT my corporation doesn't trust me enough to allow me to open the till myself, I could steal, I could waste the $$ ect, ect, I'm not smart enough in their eyes(the managers at work.) to manage my own needs. So what do I have to do? I have to spend 40 minutes running around trying to find the manager in charge of buying the batteries, getting batteries, getting the pink expensive slip, ect, ect. Instead of just pulling out 5$ to buy them and distribute them myself, which would be a hell of alot easier, but I'm not smart enough to take care of myself without fucking it up, or so they think.

Thats bureaucracy and thats how it works, shitty eh?

My managers at work are the same as american gov't today. More laws, more procedures to "protect" us only make things harder to take care of ourselves effectively, which is why hundreds of thousands of people are homeless... more later.....

CNN had this up last night at 4am when I linked the article. Its gone now. This is a big fucking deal. 10-15K people are STILL in the city. Its not safe and we want them out. (we as in the american gov't). People are allready atarting to use force to fight back. What do you think is going to happen when our gov't trys to take away the last hope these people are clinging to when we have to move them from their damaged homes?

Two things - Hurricaine Katrina is FAR bigger than we imagine it to be, right now. September 11th killed about 3000 people in total and the vast, vast majority of families who were affected were not displaced. Think about that. They know how many people will be estimated dead. 25,000 body bags were sent to the area.

But what really scares me is this. The state vs. its people. It starts here.

Off to photograph!

Slamming fake nails up against shit really fucking hurts oh my fucking gawd. Don't get fake nails if you like being able to type well and the thought of having your nails ripped off little by little on a daily basis isn't appealing. But they look hot dammit.

I'm showing my photographs and getting way better of a response than I expected... I guess I fianlly understand why people don't use thier natural talents... it comes naturally, and you don't even have to try at it, so you don't think very much of it so when people tell you its good or to go into that field you brush them off. Instead of saying "hey maybe I should work on that natural talent." Taking my own advice is always the hardest to do.

Just geeting Amber to pose was hard, but I got two good shots of her I'd say. :) Zoo included.

So I find it totally ironic that I get more compliments on this thing than any of my other work put together, like X2. I literally get stopped in the street on a daily basis if I'm walking around with short sleeves on. I get messages all the time online from people "I love your sleeve!" and I totally wasn't expecting this because in my mind I'm still that kid who just loved to play.

Look! Its me getting skanky! I don't mean, skanky, I mean hot. haha. Anyways.. this was Jays photography lesson. Enjoy.

We went out to the bar yesterday and we met up with some kids of SG... it was fun hanging out with some new people and getting outta the house.

We are supposed to go tot eh beach today if Jay feels up to it, and then I'm supposed to visit my freind Amber tommarrow.. then back to work. Pooh on that.

Things that rule - learning you can get your songs off your ipod. Like in case your hard drive crashes. Like mine did. With all my mp3's. And your suspension pictures. So there is hope!

These nails make it hard to type. I clean all day at work and don't want to clean at home, its gay.

My bf is so fucking wonderful I'm pretty glad Wes cheated on me... i prolly would still be with his sorry ass being unhappy.

Jay is writching around in pain because of his teeth but then again he isn't doing anything about them.. poor little thing. I need to go buy him medicine since he isn't gonna go out and do it himself.

I bought new plugs.. they are cute.. quartz crystal...

I am 72% Promiscuous.

I like sex and have a healthy sex life. I get just enough and know how to use my sexuality. Some people might have a problem, but that is their problem not mine. They just need to get more.

Take the
Promiscuous Test
@ FualiDotCom

haha, thats actually a good description of my sex life...

Me and Jay need to go grocery shopping. hes playing video games and i'm playing on the computer. Wow, we are cool.

And this is what I come home to. Its okay to say your jealous.

Here, I finally got a picture of my tub.... oh man its the coolest.

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

Um. I'm horny, and I'd like my bf to come home. We need to stop being sick or away because I haven't had enough sex lately. I need sex like a dude. My three favorite things are food, sex and sleep. My second three are internet, weed, music. I'm a simple girl. I don't require that much. I'm really fun in bed too.. hahha, except I don't fake orgasms.. so prepare to have your ego crushed. Oh man, I'm a lucky girl... I don't have to fake it with Jay.

I need to send in my divorce papers... I need to try and get my shit off my old hard drive, which will have to wait until Jay brings his computer over here. I have to try and get my version of photoshop working. If only my ex bf who gave me the disk didn't HATE me. Damn you!!!! Thats a plain funny story thats right outta a fucking movie. Anyways. Flowers.

dinner in PB

Then we went and hung with my mom, Jay scared my neice.. hahahah....

Today i slept in super late and then we went to outer limits. We talked to ron and then he got his knuckles tattooed... Play Monster!

I know I'm not crazy or wrong on this one. Here, curious, read a transcript. I didn't get a response to anything in my last letter, but I totally got banned from the camping trip I didn't even really remember was going on. I'm taking my toys and going home.

When I'm threatened I don't get scared, I just get really pissed off instead. And if someone trys to bully me into doing something I shouldn't or don't want to do, oh man, I just do the opposite. Fuck that noise.

pictures I haven't ever posted.

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

so let me just be an honest asshole if u think u can handle it- you dumb selfish cunt. Good job ruining ur bfs life, because u are so insecure u are willing to fuck a few peoples lives up just so u can keep him around.

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

I want my bf to come home from NJ....I miss him lots and lots. Even if he spends half his vacation on the phone with me.

update - I'm going to paul mitchell and to the post office.

I miss Jay not being around. Its boring without him here. I want him to come back from NJ.

Everyone talking about Keith reminds me of Jeff. I did a good job crying my eyes out today reading his page. See, I do have feelings despite what all my ex's say. Jeff suspended for the first time, and two days later he was killed in a motorcycle accident.

This is Jay doing a 6pt. 10ga knee suspension...

Anyways the next diary entries are mostly going to be picture updates.. I finally got to use my D70, and this is the result. Feel free to take them off my page if they are of you... just please keep my logo on them if you repost them.

heres a start kids.
Thanx girl!

Curious?

(x) smoked a cigarette
(x) smoked a cigar
( ) crashed a friend's car
( ) stolen a car (a friends)
(x) been in love
(x) been dumped
(x) shoplifted
( ) been fired/laid off
(x) been in a fist fight
(x) snuck out of my parent's house
(x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
( ) been arrested
(x) made out with a stranger
( ) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
( ) had a crush on a teacher
( ) been to Europe
(x) skipped school
(x) slept with a co-worker
( ) seen someone die
(x) had a crush on one of your IAM friends
( ) been to Canada
(x) been to Mexico
(x) been on a plane
(x) seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) thrown up in a bar
(x) purposely set a part of myself on fire
(x) eaten Sushi
(x) been snowboarding
(x) met someone in person from the internet
(x) been moshing at a concert
(x) been in an abusive relationship
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(x) made a snow angel
( ) had a tea party
(x) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
(x) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress up
(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game
(x) been lonely
(x) fallen asleep at work/school
( ) used a fake id
(x) watched the sun set
(x) felt an earthquake
(x) touched a snake
(x) slept beneath the stars
(x) been tickled
( ) been robbed
(x) been misunderstood
(x) petted a reindeer/goat
(x) won a contest
(x) run a red light(stop sign)
(x) been suspended from school
(x) been in a car accident
( ) had braces
(x) felt like an outcast
(x) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) had deja vu
(x) danced in the moonlight
(x) hated the way you look
(x) witnessed a crime
( ) pole danced
(x) questioned your heart
(x) been obsessed with post-it notes
(x) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
(x) been to the opposite side of the country
(x) swam in the ocean
(x) felt like dying
( ) cried yourself to sleep
( ) played cops and robbers(airsoft and paintball)
(x) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
(x) sung karaoke
(x) paid for a meal with only coins
(x) done something you told yourself you would never do
(x) made prank phone calls
(x) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) danced in the rain
( ) written a letter to Santa Claus
(x) been kissed under a mistletoe
(x) watched the sun rise with someone you care about
(x) blown bubbles
(x) made a bonfire on the beach
( ) crashed a party
(x) gone rollerskating
(x) had a wish come true
( ) humped a monkey
(x) worn pearls
( ) jumped off a bridge
(x) screamed penis in public
(x) ate dog/cat food
(x) told a complete stranger you loved them
(x) kissed a mirror
(x) sang in the shower
( ) have a little black dress
( ) had a dream that you married someone
(x) glued your hand to something
(x) got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
(x) kissed a fish
(x) worn the opposite sexes clothes
( ) been a cheerleader
(x) sat on a roof top
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
(x) done a one-handed cartwheel
(x) talked on the phone for more then 6 hours
(x) stayed up all night
( ) didn't take a shower for a week
(x) pick and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) climbed a tree
( ) had a tree house
( ) are scared to watch scary movies
( ) believe in ghosts
( ) have more then 30 pairs of shoes
(x) worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
(x) gone streaking
(x) played ding-dong-ditch
( ) played chicken
(x) pushed into a pool/lake with all your clothes on
(x) been told you're beautiful by a complete stranger
( ) broken a bone
(x) been easily amused
(x) caught a fish then ate it
(x) caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
(x) cried so hard you laughed
(x) mooned/flashed someone
(x) had someone moon/flash you
(x) cheated on a test
( ) have a Britney Spears CD
(x) forgotten someones name
(x) slept naked
(x) French braided someone's hair
( ) grown a beard

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

how gross.

Some comic-con highlights-

Things to do:

Get ready
drive to oc
pick up jays paycheck
pick up jays truck
errands?
back to sd
clean my house
brian comes over

The other day Jay says "hurry! come out here!" I open up the bedroom door to find travis in a sleeping bag and beach laughing at him, lord knows what the two of them were doing. I fell on the floor laughing, but still managed to take a shot.

Look my hair is brown.

I guess thats one thing about my freinds, I hold them very dear to my heart , and for the most part, if I make freinds with somone I try to keep them for life... but if someones shitty they get cut, but for the most part i keep em for life, amber, on my buddy list, I've known her since we were 12 years old. Shawn Porter told my husband over and over (this was a drinking shawn at comic con last year) that he'd known me since I was 16. Thats true, I used to post on rec.arts.bodyarts and talk in AOL's tattoos and piercing chat room., i'm oldschool internerd.. I used to pay 3$ an hour for dial up in 1995. wow, ten years. Anyways... i adore those kids.

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

BangNunsForGod: it's been agreed the whole world stinks cause erica never takes showers anymore
BangNunsForGod: laugh hard it's a long way to the tub
nostalgiaamnesia: thats playing
BangNunsForGod: hehe

Reply with your name and I'll tell you something I adore about you.

Afterwards, copy and paste this into your own journal.

Thank gawd tommarrow is my friday...

Time to yell at my boss today. Go me!

No asshole, you should read your fucking instruction booklet that came with your fucking camara that you didn't even buy from us. Or how about the recent conversation with this lady who didn't format her card so her pictures got fucked. "Well, the guy who sold it to me should have told me!" "Its in the instruction booklet." "oh who reads those." "Um, I do?" Ugh. Stupid!

I am 58% Hippie.

I am not a child of the 60’s but my heart is true to the cause, man. I realize that being a hippie is not just bell bottoms and tie-dye. It is also about the drugs and smelling bad, too!

Take the
Hippie Test
@ FualiDotCom

My first car was a 63 VW bug. I am burning incense and holding a bong. I know how to braid hemp necklaces and I used to wear them.. hahhaa. I have tye dyed alot of things actually.. hahaha. I want dreadlocks. I buy organic alot. I use pachuoli soap actually. I own at least 30 classic rock CD's, not counting whats downloaded in my computer. I'm totally a hippy.

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

me in mexico
by the window

Other than that everythings chill. ;)

"Wait wait, before I go on - on a 'random-tidbits-of-information' note: Oh, how can I put this...I don't think your tattoos are that...horrible...compared to other tattoos...that are. Horrible, I mean. There's a compliment in there somewhere, I assure you. I was actually ramping up to get one there for like six sesconds when a buddy of mine drew one specifically for me...he put so much effort into it it was almost hard to say 'that's the stupidest thing you've ever suggested, you idiot, me with a tattoo? WHAT THE F..@K WERE YOU F&@ING THINKING YOU MORON?!', but not that hard. I'll show it to you sometime, it's probably something you would like. Loser."

This guy was dressed in a tank top and basketball short with a scraggly ponytail covered in shitty prision tattoos and missing a few teeth. He was fucking ghetto dude. He looked like hes been to prison and whatnot. Well, he certainly wasn't expecting a 5'1" 105lb white girl to stand up to him. But fuck, I got more tattoos than him, and if my ex husband doesn't scare me, then his ass ain't gonna scare me. I pissed him off by standing up to him...

He then proceeded to try and sweet talk my manager Jason. But Jason was fucking awesome and told him that "she is absolutly right." He got shot down again, but this time it was by a 6'2" 220lb dude. We watched them for a few minutes until they took off. Go Jason!

So from getting hit on by 70 year old men, to getting harrassed by my ex husband in the middle of my work (which I never wrote about on here... its a good story too) and my boss randy had to intervene, to working with my ex mother-in-law (hahaha), to getting threatened by ghetto dudes, my job is still cool.

Why Breed?

You are:

* slightly expressed extrovert
* distinctively expressed intuitive personality
* slightly expressed thinking personality
* moderately expressed judging personality

eh, sometimes I score this too... see below.

Fortunatly I didn't get in trouble because I was on top of it the second it happened and couldn't have done a damned thing about it either way.

My boyfreind said the L word. Whoa, thats scary. He treats me like a princess, but its still hard for me to let someone be this good to me because I'm usually the one whos like this.... aka, the good one. So I guess its my good karma but nonetheless, it makes me happy inside.

My bf's new place is fucking wonderful. Slight;y ghetto, right by the beach and border. Fuck yeah.

Today is relaxing so far.... <3

New page look?

I don't have time for shitty people. i have this amazing ability to write people off now that I didn't have when I was younger. Anyways, I have good freinds I should be spending more time with in the first place.

Your Seduction Style: The Natural

You don't really try to seduce people... it just seems to happen. Fun loving and free spirited, you bring out the inner child in people. You are spontaneous, sincere, and unpretentious - a hard combo to find! People drop their guard around you, and find themselves falling fast.

Oh man, thats actually pretty true...

I filed for my divorce, I suppose Ryan is happy.

I want to do something with my hair... either blond, or all black, or auburn, or auburn with blond, or something, suggest in forum!

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

something beautiful.

Yes I smoke alot of weed, but I tend to forget why when I'm not stoned. But my body won't let my ass forget.

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

I need a new keyboard, this one is gross. I can't wait till summer. Things are definatly looking up.

After my recent shitty events, my grandpa and uncle dying two weeks a part from eachother... I feel I'm entitled to cash in my good karma now.

I need to finish responding to messages and then go to the musueams.

I'm watching streaming TV of mystery science theatre 3K, its great.

My bf is a good kid.

XxnageboortexX: hehe, i could be there eating your porridge like goldielocks... but i'm sure you'd rater ring me, hehe
XxnageboortexX: rather.
XxnageboortexX: whatever you fancy, i might be too pissed by then
nostalgiaamnesia: hahahhahaha

irish are a funny lot.

One of my freinds from kindergarden is on myspace.. hes now a philosophy major at cal state fullerton.. hes going for his ph.d, hes a funny kid.

if all else fails, start drinking.

Here is a picture of me petting a dolphin this sunday.

Cinco De Mayo!
Myrla
Kyle
Jade!
some kid named Jai
more kids
I got the hots for this one.

Ryans sleeping in my bed. I will be joining him soon. My boyfreind is very good to me. I'm a lucky girl.

Its ART'plosion! here... there are frames and prints everywhere, and clothes too. Haha. I need to put this shit up.

Two songs -
my heart = The Decemberists - red right ankle.
hot = Handsome Boy Modeling School - I've been thinking. (feat. Cat Power)

Went to sea world with the boy,
made terrible jokes about that girl
came home and bled.
Flowers are easy to photograph.
Fed dolphins.
I will never understand boys.

worked on my photography gallery, go look.

Aesop Rock
Nine Inch Nails 1&2
Bright Eyes 1&2
Nathan
Amber and Nathan
Amber 1&2
Nathan
That kid could dance.

And thats the news for now.

Nine Inch Nails - Coachella... more pictures later.

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

picture time!

Sophia's bday at fujiyama.
Candles!
new, me.
Ryan + my bathroom
workin' hard
Ryan + Joe, GT's!

No one is perfect, there aren't soulmates, and NOTHING is forever. There are only inveravals of time you spend in relationships with people. Even if you stay together 30 years one of you will die eventually and the other will still be alone. You are born alone, and you will die alone. Fact.

Sucessful relationships are built on mutual caring, respect, compatibility and alot of hard work. There are no mystical secrets about that.

On the other hand, everyone you meet is here for a purpose, and they have something to give you. People come into your life for a reason, unbeknownst to you at the moment you meet. Time tells what will play out.

I called my dad and just as I suspected, my uncle passed away. I glad my dad rushed us to go out and visit him, because it was only 3 weeks ago I was in florida. So combined with my cold, my quitting buying weed (I'm not smoking cigs because my cold too) and my lovely seasonal depression I called in sick. Thank you cloudy weather. I will prolly just sleep alot today and try and give my body a rest.

But good things come to those who wait. When two people treat eachother well its fucking amazing.

A) First, recommend to me:

1. a movie
2. a book
3. a musical artist, song, or album

B) I want everyone who reads this to ask me three questions: no more, no less. Ask me anything you want!

C) No really any three questions you want, anything you've ever wondered about me.

D) Then I want you to go to your journal and copy and paste this, allowing your friends to ask you anything.

Heres the lineup on sunday for all those not familar with Cochella...

Nine Inch Nails
New Order
Bright Eyes
Gang of Four
The Prodigy
Black Star
The Faint
Roni Size with Dynamite MC
Armin Van Buuren
The Arcade Fire
Pinback
Roots Manuva
Dj Krush
Z-Trip
Thrice
Junkie XL
M.I.A.
British Sea Power
The Dresden Dolls
Miss Kittin
The Fiery Furnaces
Ben Watt
Aesop Rock
The Perceptionists
Jem
Autolux
Donavon Frankenreiter
Sixtoo
Tegan and Sara
Stereophonics
The Bravery
Matthew Dear
Diplo
Subtle
Beans
Shout Out Louds
The Futureheads
Sloan
Kasabian
The Blood Brothers
Matmos
Wolf Eyes
The Locust
Gram Rabbit
Smokestacks
Zion l
Midlake

(Yeah I wanna see them too)

Guy walks up to my counter, with a big sign hanging over it, that says "merchandise pickup." Shows me this I guess battery tester for hearing aids (I figured out) and says to me "how does this work?"
I say "I don't know, I haven't seen one of those before."
He looks at me all angry - "what do you mean? You guys sold it to me."
"Uh, no, we don't sell those here."
"The girl who works here gave it to me."
"Um, sir, I'm the only girl in this department, I didn't sell it to you."
"Ugh, what do you mean? I got it HERE."
"Um, did you get it next door at hearing aid maybe?"
"Oh, yeah, I'm sorry."

Well, I guess apoligized, which is rare for a customer who just spent five minutes getting angry and treating ME like I'm the idiot.

Time to smoke a bowl, and hang out with the boy.

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

Either way, here are some pictures.

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

Allright, need to run errands.

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

I leave for florida tommarrow for 3 days to visit my uncle who is dying, nice. So yeah. I feel bad for my dad since its my dads last relative... no one else is left, no cousins, NOTHING. My family is pretty small I guess.

I guess most of all I am over people shit talking and not even knowing the real story or just assuming they know me. No one fucking knows me. Wes never even knew me and he married me. You can sleep next to a stranger for a few years before you leave.

I think I'm going to dissappear for awhile.

I'm in love with diffuse glow 1 & 2
Black and white, always good.
some stuff.
party at stepahnies
San Diego, next four.
Diffuse Glow!
Ryan
I used to have plants, I grew all those from SEEDS BIATCHES.

The Decemberists, Cain's, SD Friday the 25th

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

Then I got food for me and Evan from HTC who is doing a guest piercing spot for about 10 days. Evan brught his gf Ricki, who was sweet and we talked about cosmetology school. Jordan almost killed me in the rolly chair by dragging me into the piering room and knowing he'd knock me out of the chair when I hit the door jam, well, it worked. Jordans psuedo date showed up and Me, Didier, Evan and Ricki when to Matts, sans Matt. The night ended with blind date on spike TV which is always good.

stab.

I'm gonna go harrass Didier and jordan today at enigma. Thats the plans.

Update: I cleaned up a bit, and Crystal came over, and now shes gone.

Clean
Go to Canes
take out those fucking boxes
pay my bills
family feels bad, sends ipod
take a bath
tonight? who knows

On top of that, I made sure to block a few more people from my page. Funny, I have a bunch of people blocked, but I still have Wes read my page.

On the other hand, my brain formulates plans and calculates possible outcomes. Amber laughs when I say "interesting" which is usally what I'm saying inside my head when people are talking. When I'm listening, I gather the data and putting all the pieces together and storing it away.. shes like "you have a fucking database!"

dave "what are you listening to?"
me "bright eyes... come to californiaaaa!"
dave "come to california and listen to bright eyes? no thanks."

My housewarming party is in effect. Lots of calls. And messages.

Well since I have a life outside the internet I'm out.

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

You know, for as many times as my ass has been fucked over, cheated on, and generally been treated shitty, I still loves boys. I fucking adore men, regardless, because I never classify the whole gender, but look at each "case" individually... Even though, my 4 long term relationships have all ended the same way, (an attempt to cheat, or actual cheating) I still trudge along. My biggest problem is i go for insecure dudes with a hankering to "fix 'em" hahhahahahaha... you know, and I know, its just not possible. I traded my vw for a car that runs, I need to do the same with boys.

I got to watch two punch-and-taper method surface piercings. I got to watch Jordan do Didier and then vice-versa. Jordan stuck me with an acupuncture needle, it was weird feeling.

Its shiny, its new, it glitters in my hands like broken glass.

I <3 Dave. He needs to come to CA.

One life begins, one life ends.

Go congradulate Staci on her having her baby! She had lil Tristan yesterday or the day before.

I found out my uncle has incurable pancreatic and liver cancer. My dad, Sister and neice are going to visit him in flordia, April 1-3. So I'll be in Orlando for a few days. (thats me in the green dress next to my uncle on the left hand side.)

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

I got the rest of my fill done today on my arm. It is swollen.. I just need to touch up spots and then my arm is all done. My elbow and dicth were tattooed. I'm all sorts of swollen now.

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

Me at my apartment...
again
me and Jay
Me and Jes at lowes (I just wanted keys!!!)

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

**USERNOT:Silentwes** Take my ex husband for example, I know exactly why he is the way he is. On top of that, hes fucking predictable. He rarely did anything that suprised me. I guess its easy to tip toe if you knew where the landmines were. **USERNOTEND**

But there are some fucking people who I never will understand. I never fucking figure out who they really are or why they act the way they do. No matter what they do, they just shut me down. Gahhh.. Amber is right. She fucking can figure me out like nothing. Its mixed feelings.

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

(this is officially my 1,000th entry on here, crazy)

Sleepy sleep.

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

Me and Amber got stuck in a ditch last night, and mt car had a root in it.. only us. Then we went and hung out with Myrla for a bit. Tonight was Apryls going away party. We talked about chicken and waffles and how good they are together. I'll miss that girl, she kicked alot of ass.

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

My rent is only 775$ a month, utilities included. Tommarrow I'm gonna put in my transfer to Mission Valley... I'm really excited about where my life is heading. Its a bit scary moving into the city and moving by myself for the first time, but when opertunities prsent themselves you jsut have to take them. <3

My work is in Temecula, I don't want to live in temecula... But, I love my building (my costco)... I see pathways set out in front of me, but I don't know what to choose. I'm not putting my life on hold for any dude, so if anyone else makes another crack about the fact that Jay lives in LA... I will have to beat your fucking face in. Whatever happens with that will happen, so we'll see.

So my real choices are san diego and temecula... my option in temecula is to rent a room in house since they don't have shit for studios and I can't afford a one bedroom on my own there. And my option in san diego is really open to me, since there is alot as far as studios I can afford. BUT, I would have to transfer and I won't have my same job, I would have a sucky one prolly, like packing carts again.... lame! And I lose my senoirity for 6 months and have a craptacular schedula.. but! I live in San Diego. So.... hmm... What to do!!!!?

**USERNOT:Silentwes** Argh. I think I feel so setback about having to move back in with my family (my sister, not my parents thank gawd) that I am scared of failing. I get set back way too easy sometimes. If I fail at the tiniest thing I get all scared to try things again. I haven't been that way about relationships or moving forward in my life until recently... I constantly see possibilities and solutions to problems. Thats what my brain does, it comes up with plans and solutions constantly.. but its seeing lots of negative possibilities alot lately thanks to my best freind, anxiety.

I worry about shit easily because I can see exactly what can happen and recently I've been seeing too many negative possibilities and its scaring me back into my protective Erica shell... but I have to just get over the bad parts and see what could be in the good... life is all about persepctive, and if you can only see the negative when it comes to taking chances... you'll scare yourself into never doing anything.

I'm adapatable and have an extremely strong-willed personality and can do pretty much anything I set my mind to, but I get discouraged easily and think I can't do things, and when I actually try them, its easier than I thought, and no matter what situation I've been in, I have always been able to figure it out by myself without anyones help or finacial aid.. hehe. Every obsticle in my life has made me stronger, but sometimes I juts get lazy and don't want to put in the effort and want to whine about my life, but what purpose does that actually serve me? Nothing.

I constantly think, "well whats the worse that can happen?" And its been nothing but the negative possibilities. My last relationship left me pretty scarred emotionally in alot of ways. Being subtly manipulated and basically emotionally abused by someone is bound to fuck you in the head a bit. How I stayed with someone who enjoys hurting other people is beyond me... I know 90% of it is me trying to help someone, but at what cost? My fucking sanity? Ugh. Never again will I let someone do that to me, but my biggest question is, why did I not think I deserved better? I feel more than lucky about my current dating situation, but what took me so long to realize I'm worth more than that? **USERNOTEND**

Me and Amber from work had a good talk today... weird weird stuff. We always talk about weird stuf.. but that girl.. she has this way of figuring out your deepest feelings without you saying a word to her.. she described some things about me, to me that I've never really told anyone and I was kinda creeped the fuck out since it was exactly how I felt about certain things and nobody has been able to figure me out that well before. It was like she was inside my head... and no ones ever done that to me, I put up a wall and keep alot of people out and she well, ran right through that one... Shes got an amazing talent for figuring out peoples deepest feelings . Shes very accepting of these things, which is why she is so special to so many people, people at work just adore her... and if you get to know her, you understand why.

Sometimes I think people are just talking shit on me and that I don't have alot of freinds and I can get lonely easily.. but then people will tell me the nicest things about how they feel about me, or what they admire in me... but I guess I don't give myself enough credit... damn it!

Vegas part 2

Vegas, part 1

Wow. This would be a diary entry about my GT's in vegas but I need a day to sort it through my head and get my pictures ready because I am still not at home yet. It involves losing money, me and Jay getting splashed by a bus, ME getting d-r-u-n-k and babbling crazy bullshit to Jay and annoying Garret in the process.

[Dude, I wrote this on my phone!]

I <3 Dave

nostalgiaamnesia: I hate avril lavinge
beavis vs jesus: OMG
beavis vs jesus: i was just thinking that like 5 minutes ago
nostalgiaamnesia: hahahahhaha

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
no..

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
no, we know how to use birth control

4. Did anyone close to you die?
not this year thank gawd.

5. What countries did you visit?
none but this one. dammit.

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
A happy home.

7. What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
August, August.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting out of a bad relationship.

9. What was your biggest failure?
My marriage.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Anxiety. Alot of it.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Plane tickets.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Food.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Philly. A new life.

16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
fuck a song, album - the lonesome crowded west.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
Unsettetled.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
travel!

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
stress out over breaking up with wes....

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
n/a

22. Did you fall in love in 2004?
No.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Adult Swim!

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Oh yeah. Lots. I made some enemies too. Sorry Deena, you act like a slut, you get treated like one. Laurie would fucking thank me.

26. What was the best book you read?
fuck.. what the hell did I read last year....? Lots?

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Lots - Cat Power, Neutral Milk Hotel, Black Heart Procession. a hella lot more.

28. What did you want and get?
Out. Fucking out.

29. What did you want and not get?
Security. And a new digital camara.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Um, prolly Harry Potter.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
24. Got drrrruuunk. **USERNOT:Silentwes**My husband tried to cheat on me, on my fucking birthday. Fuck birthdays. **USERNOTEND**

32. What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
All these people were there for me this year Thank you so much kids !!! You mean alot to me.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
Target meets no money.

34. What kept you sane?
work + weed.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Issac.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
I hate you george bush.

37. Who did you miss?
Josh!!!! I miss Josh so bad. Bizarro friend!

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Best? I can't pick one. See my thank yous.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004:
Don't ever let anyone treat you like shit. You deserve better.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
The Good Life - Inmates "When I said I loved you, it was because I loved you. When I said I needed you, well, I really need you. Yeah, I guess you hurt me, for once you’re a man of your words. Well, guess what – I’m leaving – I can’t be your prisoner."